| Opening a pathway to recovery
and freedom for women whose lives have been ruined by additions
and low self-worth by teaching them to know the love and power of
Jesus Christ. |
|
 My
name is Teresa...
I
pray my story might touch someone's heart. I
have been forgiven for all and I am finally free from my haunting past. I
was born in Atlanta in the early 60's. My mama was 17 at the time. I
remember she told me there was three feet of snow on the ground and she
had nothing to dress me in. The doctor's wife gave me clothes; we were
very poor. At six-months old I was taken to live with my granny Ray,
whom I loved and adored. She was my safety and my warm place to hide.
She took me to church where I watched her pray on her knees and cry for
my papa, who was a drunk and he took pills. Regardless, I loved them
both with all my heart because they were always kind to me. My
mama had her first mental breakdown and ended up in an asylum. There she
experienced shock treatments before being released. At home, it was
mama, me, my older sister, and daddy, the crazy man. I stayed with my
granny off and on. My daddy always came back to get us.. we went back
and forth. I remember only pieces of my childhood but I learned early on
to stay out of daddy's way. I remember going to the closet hiding a lot
from daddy. I lived in constant fear. Another
sister came along 18 months later, then another 10 years after. Four
girls - one big hell; my mama would experience one breakdown after
another. I often would hear her screaming and crying only to find out
later that daddy was the cause - he would steal the grocery money
to by her negligees only to take her in the bedroom and rape her. I
remember him dragging her by her hair sometimes.... I felt so helpless.
Once she took us to school with two back eyes. Oh my poor mama. I
felt very ashamed growing up and I didn't have friends, mainly because
of daddy. He would break our furniture and if there were dishes in the
sink, he would make us watch as he took a hammer to them. One night he
woke us up to a bowling pen he had placed in the dryer and all we could
hear was that loud banging sound. I
hated to go so school, too afraid that someone would find out. I
remember at the age of 7, all we had in our living room was a picnic
table, my mama had me a birthday party and I was so embarrassed. I
remembered getting into a Volkswagen doodlebug with my mama and sisters.
She was taking us to Zesto's and as my daddy lay in the front of the
car, my mama ran over him and broke his arm. We kept on going; she had
five dollars and was determined to get her girls some hamburgers. I
was also 7 when I was molested by an old man in my papa's restaurant. I
went to hide in the boarding house next door. All I saw was drunken,
dirty old men. We never talked about it again. She
finally divorced my daddy when I was 14 and we moved from apartment to
apartment. By then we were raising ourselves as she worked two jobs. My
daddy never paid child support. I remember she had a major car wreck,
and had just about gotten a hysterectomy. She was lying at the bottom of
the stairs when I got home from school; he had broken in and knocked her
down the stairs. We also were
burned out of that apartment, reasons unknown, two weeks before
Christmas. Everything got burned but we managed to drag the furniture
outside and wash it off with warm soapy water. They later evicted
us. I started working at 14.
I remember that cherry vodka going down warm and smooth it took
away all my hurts and helped me forget my pain, I could deal with life I
had finally found relief. I also found that warm feeling with every
boyfriend. I loved anybody that would show me attention. By the age of
17, I was date-raped. Granny Ray always taught me to remain a virgin,
but after that I knew that nothing mattered anymore. I didn't even tell
my mama. She was never around. I started doing drugs and I mean every
drug - anything to numb the pain. I
moved out and by the time I graduated I was working at the Sheraton
Hotel. I learned how to use my body to get money from men to keep my
addiction going strong. I also learned to throw-up my food to keep me
thin. Looks were everything to me. I was arrested at 18 and then again
at 21. I was sent to a psycho ward. I had blamed everybody else fro my
lot in life. I was arrested ten or so more times for public drunk and I
had gotten a few felonies. I moved from apartment to apartment, man to
man, job to hob. I sometimes would think about God but hid in shame
knowing He probably would never forgive me. I
went to Miami one summer and ended up living on the beach for a while.
Two men took me in for a couple of days. I did what they wanted but they
still threw me out. Finally I was able to find a man to take me home but
oh what a price I paid. I worked at every bar that would have me. I was
fired from them all. I ended up pregnant working at a bar at Lenox
square, taking the train to Little Five Points drunk, going to dope
houses. I got an abortion in my fourth month. I
ended up at a bar on Stewart Avenue, stripping for tips. A guy came up
to me and put a dollar in my belt and said, "you don't look like
you belong here, come home with me." About a month later he saw me
for what I was, a drugged out drunk, but he also saw something good in
me. He told me that he would marry me if I would get help. I always
thought if I were married life would be different. So off to the
inpatient treatment I went, a 12 pack later. That was the first time I
heard anything about Alcoholics Anonymous. When
I got out 28 days later nothing had changed so he made me leave. I went
to live with my sister and then she made me leave. I took a room at my
hair dressers house and started going to AA meetings. I found me a
boyfriend and ended going back out. Then back in I came, "nothing
changes if nothing changes". A
year later I picked up my first year chip. I was having relationship
problems, started going to different meetings, found me someone else to
love and ended up marrying him. It was 2001. I had two small children, a
failed marriage, and no sobriety and remembered "If I always do
what I always did, I'll always get what I always got." So I ended
up divorcing him and moved to Stockbridge, Ga. I had met another man in
a matter of weeks. Popping pills and living the big lie, I had grown up
just like my mama. I looked
at my four-year old little angel, she looked so scared, so lost, and she
drew me a picture with tears rolling down her face. It read, "Mama
where have you gone? Please come back." I had left these girls so
many times when whoever would take them, and I had no emotion. That was
it for me. I couldn't do this anymore. At
age 41 I looked in the mirror and said, "I HATE YOU. Look at the
mess you have made of your life." I wanted to be happy, free from
my past. I wanted my children to have a happy childhood. It was my
choice. I wanted to be able to lay my head down at night and not have
any more fear, any more bondage. I wanted the hate in my heart to be
taken away. I got a sponsor. She suggested I stay out of relationships
for a year. I did, and I complained the whole way. And
here I am, six years later and the promises have come true in my life.
"We are going to know a new freedom... we will not regret the
past... we will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. We
will see how our experiences can benefit others. That feeling of
uselessness and self-pity will disappear, we suddenly realize God is
doing for us what we could not do for ourselves..." My life has
changed! I have recently remarried. He is a gentle, kind, loving, and
patient man who has been in recovery for 18 years. My children are happy
and we are very content. Their daddy is very much in their lives and has
just celebrated six years of sobriety. I
have started Shining Light Ministries to help women
in the Henry County Jail make a change in their life. Our family attends
Bethany Baptist Church, I sing the the choir. I have learned to breathe
in the word of God. He is my best friend. he is my source of strength,.
My Strong Tower. "My
chains are gone, I've been set free. My God My Savoir has ransomed me.
And like a flood His mercy reigns, unending love, Amazing Grace." I
am blessed. -Teresa Bestwick
Through Shining Light Ministries, Teresa
now carries this message into the Henry County Jail, speaking to 120
women monthly who are desperate to make a change in their lives. Shining
Light Ministries also operates the Hampton House for Women
at 3878 Highway 81 West, in Hampton, Georgia. |
MAP
| Hampton House is a half-way
house helping women transition from prison to being contributing members
of society living life according to the principles taught by Jesus
Christ. With
the help of your donations and pledges, Shining Light Ministries hopes
to open recovery centers for the homeless, broken and weary. To teach
them how to renew their minds through the word of God. When
contacting Shining Light Ministries, please mention you read about them
on CommunityReachingOut.com
|
